Too Fat For A Massage? Me Too!

Well I'm (insert obscene amount of weeks here) weeks pregnant with baby number 3 and the lower back pain is getting worse by the day! As the post title suggests, I'm currently too fat to lie face down, and waiting until I'm no longer too fat to lie face down defeats the object of beating back/hip pain in late pregnancy.

A short list of things that will not save me:

• The school run. Bumping a ten-tonne pram up and down four flights of stairs twice each day whilst juggling a difficult 5yo? Could do with having less of that: LONG LIVE THE SUMMER HOLIDAYS!
• The school being a pain. You are already aware of my living situation. If you call me because Goldilocks has had an accident and needs to be changed then fair enough, get her support teacher back in or an alternative one so she can have the one to one support you tell me she needs, or stop complaining that I'm taking her home for the day.
• Painkillers. Unless I'm mistaken (and according to my partner I'm never mistaken... or was that never admits to it?) you can't take ibuprofen in the last 3 months of pregnancy. Technically, people suffering with IBS shouldn't take ibuprofen anyway, because although it's an anti-inflammatory, it inflames the lining of your gut. Paracetamol = thin air in tablet form and co-codamol = evil medicine that makes you itch worse than having thrush - you know, when you get thrush so bad you look like a cat that has worms. Is that TMI? I believe it might be...
• Little Bear wriggling so much during nappy changes. Seriously, we've been doing this same thing several times a day for over 8 months now. Surely you must get the picture, Mummy will not let you roll, it is not ok to roll, Mummy does not like poo on her wrist because you rolled, and please stop peeing whilst crawling away from me. You make my carpet smell.
• Goldilocks refusing to tidy her room. I can think of no way to beat this rather than taking all of her toys away. Which really isn't fair to a 5yo with possible mental health problems, so, bending down and tidying it myself or tripping and clenching my back it is!
• Even if pregnant women could use Deep Heat, I'm allergic and upon use look like somebody has poured acid over the affected area. Lush.

However, on a positive note, I can still do the washing up fine, I can do the clothes washing if I sit on the floor in Ultimate Frogger Mode whilst I load the machine, and the look on Goldilocks's face when I pull out the innards of her stuffed Christmas penguin and throw them in the microwave is rather priceless! The heat is lovely on my back :)