Listen To Her!

I do often wonder what goes into the teacher's mind when my 5-year-old actually says something that makes sense. It's not very often this happens. She usually lives in a "fantasy world" where she'll imitate games and things she's seen on TV over and over. So as far as I'm concerned, it's all the more important to take her seriously when she says something that relates to the real world. But when it comes to her teacher, this just doesn't seem to be the case.


Goldilocks came home from school Thursday with her scalp caked in "white sand", as she called it. When I asked how it got there, she told me that a boy in her class had poured it in her hair on purpose. (This boy in particular has done this to her several times in the past, and regularly "bullies" her in the classroom, according to my daughter.) I asked if she had told a grown-up, and to my dismay she hadn't, but another child had seen this happen and told a grown-up. This is an extremely specific thing for my daughter to say, so I didn't doubt it's truthfulness, but was annoyed I wasn't informed at the classroom door by a teacher.

The next morning, while brushing Goldilocks's hair, I realise that there are huge flakes of dandruff all over her scalp - clearly a reaction from this "sand". I took her to school as normal, making sure she didn't dart straight into the classroom so I could show her teacher her scalp. I told the teacher exactly what Goldilocks had told me, to get told that it couldn't be true because they didn't play outside that day. This is the reaction I get every single time I report bullying back to the school: "Oh, the other children wouldn't do that" and "They aren't like that" are the most common excuses.

This time I didn't take no for an answer, curtly replying "Well she DID come home with what looked like sand in her hair yesterday, she HAS had a reaction on her scalp and she DID tell me that another child saw it happen and told a teacher." The teacher then said she'd have a chat with the children involved and teaching assisstants during the school day.

Yet when I pick her up, she leaves the classroom alone, a teaching assisstant hurriedly checking to see if I was there to collect her after realising she was leaving the classroom. I park up the pushchair containing my son, take Goldilocks's hand and lead her straight back to the classroom door - they aren't getting away from me that easily! I hear the teacher ask if I'd left, before spotting me and coming to the door.

I get told that throughout the day, she tried to talk to Goldilocks and the boy (no mention of the other child who told on him, although I did name this child to her) and couldn't get sense out of any of them. The only thing she could possibly think of was there was some builder's sand dumped in the corner of the Reception class garden, and they must have been throwing it at each other as a game.

Of course, no wrongdoing on this other child's part, although I have witnessed him being horrible to Goldilocks before in front of the teachers and his mother, none of them bothering to do anything about it!

No mention of cleaning up the builder's sand either. Goodness knows what's in that - no wonder my daughter's scalp reacted to it, if it was that. Surely a health and safety hazard?

It's like this every time Goldilocks mentions being bullied at school. A few months ago, she told me she hated her literacy lesson (called Read, Write, Inc) and no longer wanted to do it. When I asked her why, she said that the other children were calling her stupid because she was making silly noises and laughing, then the boy mentioned above was calling her stupid all day.

When I told her class teacher the next day, I got told "The other children aren't like that, they wouldn't do that."

For literacy, the children are divided into sets according to their ability so they can be taught based on their level of skill rather than age (an excellent system, might I say!). I'm not sure if Goldilocks's main class teacher teaches a set, but she doesn't teach mine. So she wasn't present when this allegedly happened. Any hint of investigating? Did she offer to ask the member of staff that teaches Goldilocks's set? No. Because the other children wouldn't have done that, which clearly made Goldilocks a liar.

She's not stupid, or daft, or silly - although like any 5 year old, she can act silly on times! We don't know what causes her to live in her own little world, hopefully the recent involvement with the Educational Psychologist and (hopefully commencing soon) CAMHS (I forget what it stands for) will help with this.

Do I question Autism or Aspergers? All things considered, yes I do. Does that make Goldilocks a liar? Does that mean that the other children should be allowed to bully her in this way while the teachers turn a blind eye? From what the school have shown me in her very first year, the answer is apparently yes.

When someone lives in the real world so little, being able to relate to the real world so specifically is surely a little cry for help. I know being bullied upsets her. I just wish the school would listen.