Making Star Charts Work

So many people recommend star charts and similar reward systems as a way for you to get your child to do just about anything – a chart for potty training, a chart for kindness, a chart for tidying etc. I have seen and experienced high-minded HVs and other child professionals look down on parents for not trying these methods, or for giving up on them. A lot of parents say the same thing – they don’t work. Yet time after time we get told they will work, we’re doing it wrong! Are we?

I’ve been there with Goldilocks and they can be difficult. To get them to work, we have to look at why they don't work and find the relevant solutions. Take a look at the list of common problems below – any familiar ones?

1.       Even with the chart up, my child isn’t doing the task to earn the reward.

-          Does your child fully understand what he/she needs to do? Children won’t start doing something if they don’t know how to do it.

-          Could the task be too difficult for your child to do? Try breaking big tasks into several smaller ones.

-          Could you give your child extra encouragement? Sometimes we ask our child to do something regularly that wasn’t in their routine to begin with for whatever reason (Goldilocks has extreme toileting issues and still needs to be reminded regularly). Remember there is nothing wrong with encouraging your child to succeed.

2.       The chart started well, but the novelty wore off before the chart was finished.

-          Your chart may be too long (Had this problem myself!). Younger children especially have very short attention spans and won’t want to wait until the end of the month before winning their reward.

-          As with above, try reminding your child while trying your best not to whinge!

-          Try and make the chart more interesting – nobody wants to look at a plain black and white table with three stickers on it.

3.       We finished the chart, but the change wasn’t permanent.

-          Do another chart. Habit forming is a long process – if you want a permanent change in someone then you have to give them some patience. Ask any ex-smoker!

Empathy is very important when considering these matters. Look at it from the child’s point of view and you may well find that the huge obstacle you can’t overcome is more of a minor bump in the road, something than can be overcome by making a few small tweaks to your journey.

If you have any tips or experiences to share then please do, I’d love to read them!