The Birds, The Bees and The Chickens

Photo by Clare Bloomfield

It's a question most of us remember asking and all of us dread being asked:

"How did that get in there?"

When I got pregnant with Little Bear, I told Goldilocks that there was a tiny baby in my belly and that it was going to grow into a real baby. She didn't quite believe me at first, but then was thrilled. I worried about the awkward questions, but told myself that I would make sure I told her the truth in an age-appropriate way no matter what questions she asked. So I waited. And waited. Then I waited some more. Eventually...

"Oh Mummy, you're getting so FAT now. When is the baby going to pop out of your belly-button?"

Thanks ever so much for calling me fat - NOT! I stayed quiet for a moment, thinking of what was best to say to her, then: "Oh, the baby doesn't come out of my belly-button honey."

For a few days that was enough. Sure enough, the question came again, with the same answer. This time she looked puzzled:

"Oh... well... how does it get out of your belly then?"

Ah. Was I glad that this was just the two of us, in the comfort of our living room? Yes I was. I thought for another moment, and said:

"Well he's got a lot more growing to do first, but when he's ready he will tell my body the squeeze really hard and push him out of my foof."

Yeah, that's right. She got the truth - and didn't believe me!

"Oh no he won't!" "Yes, Goldilocks! That's what you did when you were a baby..."

You can imagine her response when she realised I was telling the truth.

The rest of the pregnancy went smoothly. Somehow she came to the conclusion that Dads make babes and Mums grow babies but she didn't ask for an explanation when she shared her knowledge. When he was born, I had to answer some pretty normal questions, and one or two downright scary ones.

"That is a willy, Goldilocks."
"No, Goldilocks, you cannot have a taste of breast milk, that is for Little Bear only."
"Those are testicles."
"That is his belly button stump. It will be better soon."
"Sorry Goldilocks but can take a long time to grow a baby and there's no guarantee it will be a sister for you."

I'd gotten off quite lightly, I thought! Got asked almost every question under the sun but it could have been worse - I hadn't got that question.

When I got pregnant with Baby Bear (2 months after giving birth - and yes, I have got a telly!) I thought "Here goes, I'm getting that question any day now!" but still resolved to tell her the truth in an age appropriate way.

Nothing. No questions at all. Which is probably from the wealth of knowledge she received last time. I was very relieved, until 8 days before I'm due, in the middle of McDonalds...

"Ummm, Mummy... I was just wondering how Baby Bear got in your belly?"

Of all the weeks I've spent at home, for fear of those demonic stairs outside my flat, I go for a wander in a hope to speed up my labour (which was just a practice run in the end!) she asks me in a crowded fast food eatery on a Saturday lunchtime? Good job nobody seemed to hear her, but my explanation was:

"Oh, erm... well... well it's like you said to me before... Dad's the baby maker and I'm the baby grower."

She seemed disappointed with my response and hasn't asked again.

I'm really worried that I've done the wrong thing - she's obviously wanting more knowledge than she already has or she wouldn't have asked at all, but she's only 5? What can I say that's age-appropriate without lying?